Harriet Miers
Harriet Q. Miers (the Q. Stands for "Quitter") is a lawyer and former George W. Bush Supreme Court nominee with a beating heart and no thinking brain. Success Only One Job Away Harriet Miers is like a living vessel of truthiness with a law degree similar to Star Jones Reynolds. Harriet tried out to replace Star on ABC's chatfest "The View" but didn't get a seat on that bench either. Apparently, Barbara Walters didn't want her taking her spotlight. Barbara said that is simply not true, and the only reason Harriet didn't get a seat on the show was because Elizabeth Hasselbeck was their "token" and Harriet wouldn't be needed. Harriet thinks Barbara is just a mean, old, ugly Bear. Picture Frame of a Broken Dream That Hangs on Stephen Colbert's Mantel Shelf, Harriet Will Always Be In Stephen's Heart ]] Harriet Miers had the chance of a lifetime to be a Supreme Court Associate Justice but she bowed out and threw in the towel. She couldn't go toe-to-toe with Republican Arlen Specter, a renowned ballroom dancing champion. Harriet also failed the "let me see where you stand on abortion" test by not taking it. Sandra Day O'Connor asked Harriet why did she quit, Harriet replied, "my heart told me to". Sandra Day O'Connor thinks that was a bunch of bull and that Harriet was a pussy. O'Connor thinks Karl Rove forced her to quit so that George W. Bush could put someone on the bench with balls, like Alito, who knows where he stands on abortion. Harriet's heart was in the right place. Unfortunately, America will never get to see where her brain was. But our Greatest President Ever, George W. Bush, "knew her heart" (or more likely her gut-brain) was true. This categorically makes Harriet an icon of truthiness, and explains why she was honored on the first episode of The Colbert Report. Things Harriet Miers Will Be Remembered For * Not Staying The Course * Smiling even though she wouldn't be confirmed * Not given the chance to have an Up-or-Down Vote * On TV for about a month (give or take a day or two) * Being that lady that was close to the Greatest President * Being A Footnote in judicial history * Not Going Toe-To-Toe With Arlen Spector * Throwing In The Towel * Not Having an Opinion * Giving Up * Skeedazzlin * Giving In To The Home Grown Political Insurgency * Quitting * Not going out with a fight * Had A Chance of a lifetime, literally * Not an Acquitter, but a Quitter * Not givin the chance to have a hearing * Those rumors started by Bill Maher about her sexuality * Could have replaced Sandra Day O'Connor * Could have had the chance to stare off into space or fall asleep on the bench * Could have had Alito's Job * Could Have been Ruth Bader Ginsburg good friend * Could Have had a job that was secure forever * Being the lady in the background * Not wearing a robe * Could Have had a gavel no one could pry from her hands * Could Have had the chance to even be Chief Justice One Day * Could Have had the chance to set legal precedent * Could Have overturned row v. wade * Could Have had the chance to install future presidents * Could Have had the chance to shape American Jurisprudence * Could Have had the chance to dissent * Could have had the chance to concur * Giving into the bears demands * Misspelling her name. "Miers" is the way it is supposed to be be spelled. Fractoids * Janet Reno was Harriet's role model. She wanted to be so much like her but just more of a "woman". * Harriet's middle initial, Q, is often thought to stand for "Quag". See Also * George W. Bush * Donald Rumsfeld * Truthitician * Condoleeza Rice * Ronald Reagan * Ronald Reagan's Ghost * Stephen Colbert * Truthiness * Picture Frame of A Broken Dream * Shelves of Honor